Anyways. Liam will be one in 13 days. When did this happen? HOW did this happen? I am feeling super sappy and emo about this upcoming milestone. Today, while he was being a complete and total brat, I looked at him and realized how much of a little man and how little of a tiny baby he looks like. He is a person! (Yes, I am just now realizing this.) I feel like for months, he was more an "object" than a tiny human being. One of the most exciting (and terrifying) things about watching him develop into himself is seeing so much of me and his dad in his personality. He is head-strong, stubborn and determined like me. He is strong, handsome and messy like his dad. He gives kisses, waves bye-bye, and snuggles up close for a quick hug before he is off to his next adventure. Every day is a new experience, a new struggle, and new test-of-my-patience, and a new bottle of wine. But at the end of the day, no matter how long it seemed, I can honestly look back at his life as an outside baby and think "Damn, that flew by."
I have a coworker who recently asked me, "So, do you like being a mom?" Would anyone actually say no? Anyways, it made me realize: Being a mom is like being in a secret cult. Bear with me here... I promise I'm taking this somewhere. The initiation: 9 months of sickness, pain, anxiety, terror, love, acid reflux, hemorrhoids, and leaky boobs. Hours upon hours of the worst pain imaginable to man... wait, no. Men couldn't even fathom. Suddenly, you are in! This is the moment you have been waiting for. You dress your little prize up in their Sunday best and nervously buckle them into an over sized car seat, wondering if it's too tight. You bring them home and frantically begin searching the diaper bag; they forgot to send you home with an instruction manual! You cry when they cry, and you smile when they smile. Sometimes, you question whether joining this cult was the craziest decision of your life. Then, one day, your child calls out for you. They examine you with loving eyes and the biggest smile. You watch as they nervously cling to their teacher on the first day of Mothers Day Out, while you struggle to hold your tears in until you reach the car. You relish in the smiles they give you when they see your face return after a hard, long day at work. And it just hits you. You'll suddenly realize that you are a member of the most sacred, special group in the entire world. You hold a profession that must master many trades, but that no amount of schooling and no degree could ever prepare you for. You are underpaid, overworked and tired. You wonder who in their right mind would choose a profession with that job description. And then you realize: none of those things matter at the end of the day when you peek in on your little bug and see them sleeping soundly in their crib. You never knew you could feel this much love. And trust me, it isn't anything you could explain to someone outside of the cult. They would never understand how much your child's boo-boo could physically hurt you, too. They wouldn't understand that your little boy dressed as a pirate in the school Halloween parade is a better production than any Broadway play. They wouldn't understand what it feels like to have your heart walking around outside your body. Maybe one day they will be initiated. Maybe one day they will understand. But until then, just smile, nod your head and say, "Yes. It's wonderful."
